When I was in High School, I thought I knew everything. I thought I would be a millionaire by the time I was 21. And, if I had not gone down the very route many go down, (college, first job), who knows what would have happened? I was a very ambitious and hard-working 17 year old at the time.
But, I did go to college and this isn't about the what if anyway. This is about the now, and how I got to where I am RIGHT NOW.
I went to college thinking I would go into business. But, when I got there, I almost immediately changed as a person. I started appreciating having fun, and my leisure time, for once! I didn't want to put my nose to the ground like I had in high school and grind. I just wanted to have fun and be like everybody else.
Instead of going to the very prestigious undergraduate business school, as planned, I ended up being an Economics major for practical reasons. I was marketable in terms of getting a good job after school, and it was a broad major that would keep many doors open. I did not, by any means, study Economics because it interested or fascinated me.
The rest of my career up until this point is barely worth speaking about. I have held uninspiring jobs in fields I cared little about, until now. In retrospect, it's really no wonder that I was quite miserable in that facet of my life all throughout my 20's. Some people don't let their job affect them, and they live and enjoy their life otherwise, but for me, it was a huge dark cloud in my otherwise wonderful life.
I am happy learning now. I know that whatever comes next, will be much, much better than before, because I have finally learned and decided to pursue what I like and love, as opposed to just doing something to earn an income. I can't tell you what a huge difference this step has made in my life.
With regards to love, wow, I guess I have as many stories as I have career switches (there have been many). All the mistakes I made, all the stupid games I played, PHEW. I guess I'll save those for another time, but I guess - no, I know - that I am a late bloomer, and that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. But then again, boy did I make some stupid, stupid moves. Over and over and over again.
1 - Playing Games
2 - Putting Obstacles where there need not be one.
3 - The person you are dating is a human being with feelings.
4 - Really, piss poor, terrible communication.
I think that about sums it up. Need I go into more detail? Playing games, waiting for the other person to reach out to you instead of just calling them myself because I was thinking about them. Hiding my feelings because I thought that would make the chase more exciting, and that they would like me more. Or out of fear. I mean, I could rationalize this - because people, or maybe just girls, do actually want what they can't have (silly) - but in general this is just a nonsensical strategy that gets you nowhere, in my opinion.
Putting obstacles where there not be one - I would try so so hard to make it nearly impossible for a guy to get close to me. Not on purpose, but unconsciously. And if it was getting to the point where they could get close to me, I would immediately put an obstacle in between me and him. That usually, no in fact, almost always resulted in me getting dumped, and then being very, very depressed about it.
I also never seemed to "get" that the person I was dating, well, was a human being with feelings. I know that sounds incredibly obtuse, stupid, and insensitive, and well - maybe I was. No, actually, let's just say - Yes, I was. Yes, that's right...the person you are dating Diane has feelings and you should heed their feelings, since if you are in a relationship, that generally means that you care about somebody else besides yourself. I just didn't get that.
Communication. This is a tough one but crucial one, and I actually think it would be fair of me to say that this could have been improved on both sides with many of the people I dated. It's like the chicken or the egg, which one comes first? If any of the guys I had dated had approached me by wanting to have an open, honest conversation, that would have paved the way for open communication and a healthy relationship. At least, we would have stood a chance. And, I could have easily done that too. But, I was a terrible communicator, and scared to do it in some cases, so I never thought to or I never did.
I will go into more specific career and dating stories (they are closely tied and related to each other in my life) in detail later on! For now - I just had to get that off my chest.
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