This past weekend I was so angry. And what did I have to be so angry about? In my mind, Everything. After work I went to watch some the women's semi-final match (Sharapova def. Mauresmo) in Madison Square Park with my boyfriend (the nice one between the two of us). Then I put on my running clothes while he gathers his blades to go to Central Park. The day could have not been more pretty. Perfect running weather, a gorgeous green surrounding, and other people in nyc doing the same exact thing as though part of a small community. Everything's fine until it takes us an extra 30 minutes to get out of the apt. By then, I am hungry and emotional, and announce that dinner is going to suck. The area we are in sucks and I have resigned myself to a dumb, chain-like burger/sandwich/typical bar food restaurant which makes me (pause) angry. We finally find a place to eat (exactly as I have described) and I am practically crying. For what reason exactly? I have no idea. Dinner doesn't take that long which actually makes me happy but then the subway takes over 30 minutes and we take a non-desirable train back to a different stop since it's the only thing offered and get home an hour later, which would normally take 15-20 minutes. In addition, the nice one is wearing sneakers which are completely inadequate for the lounge we were going to meet my friend at. Finally, we go to another bar, at which I know no one and when we come back my apt smells heavily like gas. After an exhausting day and night, especially emotionally, we have to go all the way back to his apt because I don't feel like dying of a gas leak tonight.

Fast-forward to Saturday morning. Back to more tennis, we get breakfast sandwiches and watch again in the park. I am in a bad mood and need to get back to my gas-filled apartment. The smell is there but not as strong. I get to change, clean, and watch Friends with Money (absolutely loved it). Then I become a littled bored so I make my way all the way back to the park and watch some tennis by myself, miserable because everyone not just seems but is with friends and I am all alone. The saga continues in my head: I am a freak, I have no friends, why is it so easy for everybody else to have and get together with their friends except for me?? I believe I have said that to myself at least 1000x times over the past month. Very unhealthy. But also very true.

I ask myself, why am I so angry? What do I have to be so angry about? And the list pours: I don't really like my job, I'm not learning anything, I have no friends at work, I graduated college so that I could do this for a living? This doesn't seem like a career...next, I hate my clothes, I try to buy nice clothes so then why does it always seem like I look crappy next to every other girl in new york, I hate feeling bad about how I look. I have no friends, no networks, everyone else I knows has more friends and networks than I do, I have none, and I actually think this makes me the most miserable out of all of the things that make me so angry. And truly the only person I have to blame for this is myself.